When I was a young'un I was entranced by multiple personality disorders. Where most children spend their time learning gender and societal normative behaviors, I was drawn to all that was non-normative. Now that I've come to see my past and present through the prism of post-trauma, I am realizing that multiple personalities are the sign of a healthy mind, not just a mental illness caused by abuse, as immortalized in popular culture by the books and movies about Sybil and Eve.
I think I shall call my inner berator Mrs. Norris, after Jane's uber-bossy, illiberal, and admirably indefatigable Mansfield Park character. She thinks she knows what is best for me and up until this year, I've ceded to her all too often.
When Mrs. Norris says "Complete this knitting project; you started it - now finish it." I have the good sense to question her admonition. No longer do I obey, meekly and miserably, or rebel, just as miserably. Case in point, I began a new sock pattern with a skein of Blue Moon Fiber Arts STR that I have been stashing lovingly for several years.
This pale "Blue Moonstone" colorway is my manna. But when I began to knit the sock up, my speshul anjel snowflake fingers weren't so happy. I've been so friggin' spoiled by the super-soft-fairy-fart sundara sock yarn, that the tight twist of the STR was feelin' a little brillo-esqe. And part of that isn't the yarn, it's the texture of the lace and cable. STR's tight twist is a wonderful canvas for cables and other textured knitting, but it's touch is much coarser than the Sundara's sock yarn I've been knitting with over the passed six months.
Upon noticing my dislike for the knitted fabric texture, Mrs. Norris's response was loud and clear: "Suffer bitch, you started the project, you finish it." Once upon a time that is what I would do, with misery and self loathing magnifying with the knitting of each and every stitch. Now, notsomuch. I think I've outsmarted the crazeh when I decide on a happy, middle road option; I will knit anklets. Anklets are a much smaller project, i.e, less brillo knitting, but with an eye towards an FO to satisfy Mrs. Norris. In the end, Mrs. Norris is still me.