Sunday, May 16, 2010

not so ready for prime time // robin hood spoilers...

New interim look. Not finished but at this point so preferable to the old look.

Went to the movies, saw Ridley Scott's Robin Hood. WTF was Scott thinking with this reimagining of the Robin Hood myth? I haven't wanted to walk out of a movie since 1999.

The penultimate mis en scène: It's aproximately 1199 AD and it been hours since the movie started and Robin has yet to take to the wood. That's because:

1) The French are storming the cliffs of Dover in transport boats, a la Omaha Beach, aka D-Day. Look at the picture in the link and then watch the movie. I am not shitting you. It was D-Day in the theatre tonight!

2) William Wallace Robin preHood, a commoner, and an archer in the crusades, (an infantry position that lacks swordsmanship and horse riding skills) astride deceased King Richard the Lionhearted's snow white steed (which he has been in possession of for at least an hour and yet no one seems to notice the horse is bedecked in ye Plantagenet tack royale)(WTFBBQ?!) takes 10.5 seconds to rally the troops to take on the invading Freedom Fries.

3) Eowyn Maid Marion shows up to the battle. This feisty impoverished aristocrat wants her fair share of French scalp, and she brought along the Lord of the Flies castaways who conveniently have ponies and impeccable swordsmanship, too.

4)Robin preHood gets stuck in the water between two colliding landing boats. Will R2D2 be able to save him in time?

5)Oh yes he does, Jason rises again!

6)Because the Frenchies surrender to Maximus Decimus Meridius Robin preHood instead of Ole King John "Lackland" Plantagenet, in the blink of an eye he is public enemy #1. Now all the good folk of Nottingham retreat to the woods so they can finally create one of those classless Utopian communes (you know the ones that were tres chic in pre middle ages Christendom) while someone polishes up the script for the sequel.

The end.

Gratuitous yarn pic! Now in a bigger size!!!

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