Friday, June 3, 2011

Around my mind in 15,452 days...

I'm not pregnant.

Those words used to be grade A surgical instrument sharp.

I've been oddly near mopey lately. And I've been getting down on myself for it. Concurrently, I'm having some of the greatest work days I've had in years. Maybe it's the contrast between the euphoria of the latter and the lack of enthusiasm in the former that is making me conclude I'm mopey, when I'm just not anything in particular. Food for thought...

But back to the pregnancy thing. I was out walking the dogs on my spare suburban street this morning. The sky was so blue and clear, the sun and the wind competingly fierce. (Spell check is telling me competingly isn't a word, but it is the perfect word for that thought.)

My chin instinctively reached up for more sun. There was plenty of sky and it felt delicious. It dawned on me that I could be pregnant. I feel different. I am so tired, but suffering from insomnia again. I could be pregnant.

Before I got to the end of the thought an acknowledgment washed over me, as only bliss can: warm and calming. I'm not pregnant, but until my friend visits, I can pretend. I can fantasize. I have been granted the luxury of fantasy, where once a tin drum of pressurized jealously laid seige. It is liberating. And I am blessed in this way. I should give thanks for this gift.

Thank you.

Maybe my baby is a girl and her name will be Minnie Ursalina Maria. (Hahahah! That is the name of my car, I couldn't do such a thing to my child as saddle her with that mouthful of a name. But this is a fantasy right? So M.U.M. it is. Or just plain ol' Minnie Lee, or Minli for short.)

So why haven't I been blogging again? Well, I lost interest in the yarn I bought at the New Hampshire Sheep and Wool, just as suredly as I lost interest in a lot of my yarn. Out of sight out of mind. My imagination is pretty weak - if I didn't have PMS, I'd have nothing. LOL.

But something quietly is happening in my coasting. I'm learning to live without FO's and I'm learning to take my projects one day at a time. Right now, I've made a mental commitment to my Evenstar project.

ESE_0068d


When each row is 616 stitches, commitment is a necessity for me. The picture above is one of two decent, but color deficient, photos I took of the project (poorly) dry blocked last December. Here is the second:


ESE_0074b


If this project is to be ready by September, I need to get a move on. I've been on the last chart for a while now. Like I said, 616 stitches per friggin' row! But truly the 30 or so more rows I have of chart 3 are not what concerns me most. It is the knit on border. I've never knit a knit on border. Now I can't imagine it will be difficult, it's just prospect of the border being 616 rows long that tugs at me. That future is one of seemingly monstrous proportions of tedium. I hate tedium.

That doesn't mean it will be tedious. The engine of my imagination has no problem finding things to fear. Learning to cut the power to that engine? Priceless.


ESE_1052c
Long Ridge Farm
DK - bombyx silk & CVM/Romeldale wool breed blend
NH Sheep & Wool 5/14/11






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