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More Cringing than Knitting

I have a love-hate relationship with this blog. Ever since hitting "publish" on my last post I have been cringing inside. Did I give too much of myself away? Did I make myself look foolish? Did I even make any sense?

So much self-censorship is exhausting. Why can't I just throw myself out there, warts and all? I feel a world of judgment around me, always. And that is why this blog exists, truth be told. I need to stretch my boundaries of comfort. I need to allow myself to be foolish and inconsistent and prone to over sharing. That is who I am. This blog, on the surface, is all about knitting, but it is also about trying to find some pride of self, not just pride of workmanship. Sometimes, though, the public nature of the endeavor gives me the heebie jeebies. Well, often.

I will say that all this mental self-absorption has been a distraction from the back and arm pain, which I am angry to say, still plague me. An epigram by Ben Franklin included in one of HBO's recent John Adams episodes can't help but be turned over in my mind, again and again: "Fish and visitors smell in three days." I'd like this visitor to go home now, thank you very much. Please?

So no, I haven't put in a lot of time on my knitting, not really. I've knit less than a handful of rows on Blueberry Moon and just barely began another sock.

Once I realized I mucked up the stitch count for the ribbing on the sock it's been pretty much abandoned. I have no head for knitting math right now.

I've been stalling on Blueberry Moon but I didn't comprehend why until last night. A month or two ago I purchased a 40" circular for the project. With the wider needle it is much easier to test out the sizing as I go, since I'm knitting top-down free hand. What I realized last night, when I followed the urge to switch back to a 24" needle, the wider needle was sucking my interest right out of the project. With the wider needle, each row seemed to take on epic proportions. Once I switched to a shorter needle, the rows "felt" considerably shorter, and my interest in the endless stockinette was slower to ebb. The human brain is a wonder, isn't it?

As far as the La Digitessa's, I'm waiting for a new tool to come in the mail today before posting my wrap up. This project deserves a post equal to the beauty of the pattern, so great photos are a must. I'm hoping the new tool helps.

Comments

Nell said…
I love your blog. Warts and all!
Knitting Kris said…
Hey, I lost track of my blogs, or I would have posted here sooner. A blog is what you want it to be. It can have a knitting theme, but it's YOUR blog, and you can choose what to write about and what to share.
I often struggle with this concept myself. It's a knitting blog, but can I share about my children, my hubby, work (obviously easier to do), my life so publicly? Go read Peaknit's blog - she has a lovely book review that goes into relion, and I think it's thought provoking and great!
I'm with Nell, love your blog, "warts" and all!